Aww, who cares, I'll do it now. I feel trapped. I'm trapped by my family. I know they THINK they have my best interests at heart, but how can it be my best interests when I feel miserable every single day? I do NOT want to die rotting in my room studying for some stupid test that does not exist or training for the league on Feb. 7-9 that would be bruising my legs hours before the big night. Big night. Eww, that sounds more like a wedding than a prom. So let's call Prom...the resplendent night. Happy? Anyway, my parents have been prohibiting me from going out because of an odd...discovery. A discovery that took place August 2006 and got discovered November 2007. How...off. I'm getting punished for a moment of stupidity during sophomore year--the year I was at my worst. And how ironic can it be that I am getting punished THIS year, the year that I am at my best? Not anymore. All these fights with my parents made my grades slip. ALL MY GRADES did. Even Geometry, goddamnit! I DO NOT MAKE MISTAKES IN GEOMETRY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. (Except for that one mis-encircled ?? triangle last QT2.) And now, for the first time in my entire Junior Life, I got a gazillion mistakes for the UT2 and the QT3. That's how much they affect me. All my subjects slipped, last December, my grade were great. And this January, every single test slipped 5-7 points down. What. The. Hell. And guess what? I don't even care anymore. I'm trapped here, so be it. But I won't show them that I love it. It's actually the cause of my distraught, and during these busy days, the people I usually run to are not there. They must be over their moons and stars and Saturns loving their lives while I rot in the basement of negativity. They can't relate to me right now, coz their lives are sparkling clean and pretty. I'm not blaming them, they do have their lives. I don't even want pity, I don't want them to stop living glammed lives and sulk with me. I want to step up and go with them. I want my old self back. Ironic as it is, I'm kind of missing sophomore year. Sophomore year had its downs, but it definitely had perks. I'm not regretting being a sneaky slut back then. I became a goody-good butterfly this year, but I didn't expect my parents to clip my wings. I never expected them to make me a goody-goody catterpillar crawling up a stalk to grab a bite from that delicious green leaf. I never expected them to suck the happy pollen out of my life. I WANT MY LIFE BACK.

I want to JUMP OFF A BUILDING and feel the rush of thrill one more time. I want to venture into the unknown, sleep in the ocean without a single life-support with me again. If there's one thing that I think I regret, it's being good. If being good will bring my parents to restrict me more, then I'd be bad and happy. I thought they'd be happy if I change. It made them worse. Well, so much for me loving Geometry. I never did learn the basic principle: DON'T ASSUME.

Don't get me wrong. I love them and everything, and I know they'll do anything for me. Thing is, the ANYTHING and the EVERYTHING they're giving me, the support in extracurricular activities and all those material what nots, they're not what I want. I don't want to be a geek focused on whatever gadget's up everyone's sleeve. I don't want to be a super student involved in everything anymore, coz they think I'm too busy. I WANT A LIFE. I WANT MY LIFE BACK.

Everyone took a tiny bit of my life and threw it to the dogs. I'm left with nothing but boring old Bianca Ruiz from Grade School. I hate the dogs who devoured me and let me rot afterwards. They could at least have buried me, at least then, I won't be looking forward to light anymore. Every single spark of light that escapes the leaves above the forest path makes me jump in delight. And seep back into the ground again as it flutters away.

I guess it's true that the more you take something away from someone, the more she's gonna want it back. You only realize something's worth when it's gone. And guess what I've realized?

*Typos, forgive 'em. No rechecking. Work to do.