They say you'll have to live your today as if it was your last, but when do you actually know when your last will be? And trust me, for some people (ehem), not knowing when your last will be will drive theam to not live the days as if they're the last. Not until the day comes when you think will be the last will you really, truly think about things. And for me, that came today. A glorious Sunday, October...what date is it today? October, uh, 20 is Saturday, 20 minus 6...14! Yeah. It's October 14. Oh yeah, today was when PBA opened, so it most definitely is October 14. Anyway, moving on, around 6:35 PM, my Dad, Migo and I were walking to the church for the 6:30 mass. And as we were about to cross the road, I looked at the right. No car. And when I looked to my left, BAM! A TRUCK. ONE FOOT AWAY FROM ME. I could've died. It was so huge, it loomed over me, and my stomach was clenched like a big stress ball. And I thought of the things I have done and I have not done for my Mom, and the disappointments I caused my Dad, and the article Athena posted about Moms and Daughters. I thought I would die, but I kind of knew I wouldn't. For one, I wasn't one foot in front of it, I was one foot from its side. But still, it was close. And I was scared. As I walked through the doors of the church, I still thought of it. I thought of what would happen if I die? Who would go to my funeral? Who would regret it? Would it be a sad moment for just a few months? Weeks? Days? Then you'll all go back to your normal lives? A friend is just one of the friends, not the friend. I don't know who will, aside from my parents (the pain I might cause them if I die would give me pain that's more than theirs), feel the pain most. Who will?

And soon, I thought of my Dad. I thought of how bad I hurt him every time I fight with my siblings. And for the record, I always forget that every time doesn't have a space. And I finally, finally realized that grades are not what my Dad wants of me. He wants love for my sibs. I talked to the temporary driver last Saturday, and he has been working for my Dad ever since the beginning. More than a decade, more than two? And he told me of a side that Daddy has that I never knew existed. I knew he was kind, but I didn't know he was THAT kind. I officially labeled him my idol. But why, why didn't I get that kind heart? A day of reflection, that's what today is. Every time I see him sad, or even when he's smiling but his eyes are sad, I feel crushed. I somehow know that the only cause for that would be family. That would be us. Or his father. Or us in relation to his mother. Why do I think I know? Because everyone loves him, everyone he knows sees him as some sort of a hero, especially his workers, and especially the people he help everyday. So who else could cause him pain other than us? I for one am the only person I know who lied to him and he still loved. He doesn't like being fooled, according to the guy I talked to last Satruday. He wouldn't talk to them anymore unless they ask for forgiveness. And how many times have I tried to fool my Dad? Right. I never knew the gravity of my actions until now, until that moment the big white truck was one foot away from my face.

I don't want to hurt him anymore. And I don't want to think ill of my Mom. They're both human, and they're also both heroes. My heroes, yeah. I'm getting so mushy. They can NEVER ever see this. :) And lastly, the priest said: GRATITUDE IS LEARNED. Yeah, I should learn it. I must have gratitude built in inside me SOON.

Oh my God. Just as a note, Magnolia won. Ha. They're like an Ateneo Dream Team. I'm not sure if that's healthy. :-/ Air21 rocks too! Ahi. I'm so gonna watch the next games. I ttly forgot yesterday. All I did was search for old films (i.e. Audrey Hepburn flicks, Love Story, Grease, etc.)